Lost in the Woods

Humorist Patrick McManus ruminates about the various best ways to get lost in the woods.  He thinks the absolute best way is to go as a group, including invoking the power of magic:

“Undoubtedly, the surest way to get lost is to venture into the woods as a member of a group.  Sooner or later one of the boys, on a pretext of offering up a riddle, says, “Hey guys, I bet none of you can tell me which direction the car is in.  Heh heh.”  (The “heh heh” is tacked on to imply that he knows the right direction, but truth is he couldn’t tell it from a kidney stone.)  Everyone now points firmly and with great authority in a different direction.  In every such case, the most forceful personality in the group gets his way.  The effectiveness of this method arises out of the fact that the most forceful personality usually turns out to rank on intelligence scales somewhere between sage hens and bowling balls.  He is also an accomplished magician.  With a wave of his arm and the magic words “the car’s just over that next rise” he can make the whole bunch of you vanish for three days.” (A Fine and Pleasant Misery 16)